Internal Acceptance; What To Do When The Thoughts Will Not Stop
If you've ever told yourself, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” or “I need to stop thinking about this,” you’re not alone. Most of us are taught that we can fix anything that feels uncomfortable through “positive self-talk.” Put another way, if you just think hard enough about what is bothering you, it will stop bothering you. But Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) takes a different approach: one that prioritizes internal acceptance. As you read this I want you to grasp some of this internal acceptance so that you can increase your ability to do what is truly important and decrease the amount that you get stuck trying to remove suffering.
What does “internal acceptance” mean?
In ACT, acceptance is about making space for difficult thoughts, feelings, and sensations, without trying to change, avoid, or get rid of them. Rather than fighting against what’s happening inside, acceptance means allowing it to be there—acknowledging it, feeling it, and letting it move through you without letting it control you.
This doesn’t mean giving up or enjoying or feeling that you deserve your pain. People often confuse the concept of acceptance in ACT with acceptance of evil in the world. For example, practicing acceptance does not mean being okay with the reality that bad things will happen to your kids. Acceptance means realizing that the thought that bad things will happen to your kids will consistently appear in your mind and will always come along with challenging feelings like fear and anger.
Here’s another example: Let’s say you’re feeling anxious on the way to a high pressure meeting at work. Many people try to “calm down” by thinking positive thoughts or trying to distract their attention away from the upcoming situation altogether. But these approaches often just add more pressure, because they reinforce the idea that experiencing anxiety means something is wrong, rather than that anxiety means something important is about to happen. Using the ACT approach, you should pause, acknowledge the anxiety, and let it be there, like background noise. You might say to yourself, “I am feeling fear. Something in my mind is trying to help by telling me what might go wrong.”
The heart of internal acceptance is recognizing that pain is part of life, and we don’t need to wait until we feel “better” to live meaningfully.
Why is internal acceptance important?
Because much of our suffering comes not just from pain itself, but from our attempts to avoid or eliminate it. For example, avoiding uncomfortable emotions might lead to drinking too much, withdrawing from relationships, or procrastinating. These short-term fixes often create more long-term problems.
Internal acceptance gives us another option. By turning toward our internal experience rather than away from it, we create room to take purposeful action—even when it’s hard.
That said, acceptance is a skill. It takes practice and patience. It might involve mindfulness exercises and learning to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment instead of trying to escape them by drowning them out. Over time, this internal acceptance helps build psychological flexibility—the ability to stay connected to what matters, even in the presence of pain.
In short, acceptance is not about giving in to your struggles. It’s about learning to coexist with them while still moving forward. It’s a powerful shift that opens the door to real change, not by controlling how you feel, but by changing how you relate to what you feel.
I can support you in growing your internal acceptance skills. Within the first three sessions, we will start to identify your most disturbing recurring thoughts and feelings and explore strategies to hold space for those thoughts and feelings so that you are empowered when experiencing them, rather than overwhelmed or defeated by them. If you’re interested in learning more about how I can help you practice internal acceptance, book a free 15-minute consultation call with me.
